we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
