she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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