smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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