I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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