I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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