Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
