lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
