smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
