dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
