If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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