oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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