you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
