I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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