I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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