Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
