You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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