dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
