she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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