doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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