mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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