Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
