PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
