Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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