I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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