In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
