I puked a lego.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
