Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
