she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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