just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Drunk is not a location!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
