Your tits are I can't wait for
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
