i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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