we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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