He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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