My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
