it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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