Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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