I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
