I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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