do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
