I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
