Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
