Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
