No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
nutella sex= disaster
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
