Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I love having hate sex.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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