what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
