I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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