Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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