Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
