he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
