i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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