i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
