She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
